Saturday, September 10, 2011

No Heart Attack Here!

Clients that frequented my psychotherapy office on Rivo Alto Drive in Miami Beach may remember this drawing that hung on my wall for years.  It was such a big, juicy and happy heart that Tom drew - full of life and color.  I loved it and thought it conveyed the kind of practice I wanted to offer: vibrant, unique and totally present.

We sold our house (with office & studio) on Miami Beach in May 2010, ready to hit the road as "modern day nomads."  Along with most of Tom's other drawings and paintings, that happy heart was packed away in storage.  When we finally returned to Florida toward the end of the year, we moved into a house in Hollywood and relocated our storage to a nearby office for me with a studio for Tom, side by side, just the way we liked it.

Since Tom's death on July 10th, exactly two months now, a seemingly endless stream of decisions have had to be made.  Moving out of that office/studio by the end of August was a recent one.  The paintings,  drawings, memorabilia...where would it all go?!  Physically and emotionally arduous, this was the first major move I experienced without Tom there to master-mind it.  

Yet somehow Tom's "can do" confidence for undertaking apparently overwhelming tasks must have been transmitted to my children and the two Daniels that showed up to help get the job done.  The sorting, cataloging and photographing of Tom's work is still not complete, but ... I found the heart I was looking  for again!

Take a closer look.  I did.  There on the drawing, to my amazement, I see scribbled in Tom's large script:  "No heart attack here!"  WOW...that makes my heart beat faster.  What a message!

The physical, temporal heart of his that suffered a massive heart attack two months ago is in direct contrast with that ideal heart in the drawing, the primal heart that he embodied while he was here and that he left us as a guide.

Once again, I draw strength from the poignant words of Irish poet and philosopher John O'Donohue (see in an excerpt from his beautiful poem "On the Death of the Beloved":

May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love...


  1. Laya, I've been reading your blog intermittently through your Facebook postings. Your writing never fails to amaze me. Your strength and insight are such an inspiration. Thank you.

  2. Laya - I have permanently saved your blog on my main web page so I can stop by frequently. Thanks for these lovely thoughts to start the day.

  3. Laya,

    It never ceases to amaze me, on a daily basis, how many messages there are from the Universe right before our very eyes, if we are willing to see them.

    It's fascinating that Tom painted and scribbled that heart and those words so many years ago, and that you chose to keep that painting with you for years and then looked for it specifically during all the work and sorting after his death. I've found that I've sent myself messages from the past into the future, when I've found things I drew or wrote as a child or as an adult.

    It's absolutely wonderful that he imprinted that message for you to find later, that his big, generous, loving spiritual heart did not have an attack, but is still intact and whole, giving you his love.

    You are a blessing because you are able to see and hear the messages of love from him and the universe, because your open, loving, beautiful and generous heart. Your clients are blessed, because that heart is not only Tom's, but it is also yours. Thank you again and again for sharing. You are truly an inspiration.